I WAS TAUGHT GIVING IS “GOOD”, AND RECEIVING IS BAD…
I was taught as a child (and throughout my life) that giving is “good” and receiving is “bad”. That sharing, especially as a host, is to be extended at lengths that can be defined almost as “at all costs”. Giving / sharing when expected to, when not expected to, as a form of not being able to feel what I feel, or to simply say “no” or even “wait”. I was taught to feel that receiving is greedy, shameful, weak, or that I’m “not good enough”.
UNDER THE NEW MOON: DECOLONIZING, GROWTH, MANIFESTING
Sometimes, my own fears and irrational habits surprise myself. I have internalized oppression of general Chinese/Taiwanese culture (not to mention cultural purging that modern China has experienced) and Christian patriarchy; being a female in a white-centric worldview also adds nuanced complexity. So many painful and limiting layers. So much living small and self-oppression. But I'm hopeful. I think the first step is awareness, then release, and lots and lots of patience and self-love. I find using shamanic and ritual-based practices effective in identifying the limitations as well as work through them. (For those who know me and my work, I’m all about integrating the spiritual with practical, everyday life. Spirituality without real-life application is lip service).