In my heaviest, gloomiest days, these are the choruses I am confronted with:
“I have no friends; I do not belong”.
“What I do has no meaning.”
“I create more problems.”
I know these thoughts are not true, but it doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t have a momentary hold on me.
And sitting with Tea, she leads me to keep dancing with the Devil so to speak, dancing to the tune of the lies, to explore what is really wanting to be said.
I’ve realized that these thoughts hurt and feel frightening because they reveal what I value most.
“I have no friends; I do not belong” = “I value deep connection and companionship; I can hold the energy of home for myself and others.”
“What I do has no meaning” = “I desire to offer value to others”
“I create more problems” = “I find purpose in providing relief and help bring reconciliation and resolution”
This is not a clever “mindset switch”. This is not toxic positivity. By letting Fear (or the Devil, or someone loathsome by another name) lead the dance, and for me to dance with curiosity with her, I can become a Magician, I can wield magick. I can experience intimacy with myself in fruitful, embodied ways.
What are your fears revealing?
If this piece resonates with you, consider exploring shadow work in my self-study e-course, Devil Medicine: Shadows and Nightmares