Love, the real kind, the kind that sticks around and is with you when shit hits the fan, is present, responsible, genuine, and willing to meet us where we are. What gives us dopamine hits – the kind of ‘loving feelings’ that are intense, seductive, glamorous, fantastically projecting, distracting us from pain are often mirages, and far from actual love.
As an animist, my teachers are often concepts, living spirit beings in their own right. These teachers are often not ones that are easy to hang out with, they can feel uncomfortable, intimidating, and can pack a brutally honest punch. But if I’m ready and open to listening, to paying attention, they have taught me more about love than the “pastel” emotions.
I don’t consider myself especially ‘good’ at loving, but I am always open to learning from these four allies specifically. I do my best to be aware when they enter my space, and when I notice they are there, I pause and listen.
Resentment— this ally has shone undeniable lights on where I am giving without realistic assessments of my limits, of the boundaries I have failed to set or neglected to maintain. Resentment shows me what I need to change to love in a way that truly feels good, of sustainable love.
Boredom— this ally reminds me of the necessity of the unknown and spontaneity, and is an invitation for partners to be silly and for their natural quirkiness to fuel creativity and fun.
Frustration— this ally has taught me what I need to feel grounded, safe, and noticed as a lover. Frustration teaches me to see the deeper needs, and then it is my work to verbalize it in a way that is non-violent and kind.
Wrath— this ally reveals within me old, old wounds from early childhood. Wrath as an emotion that represents an immense bottling of helplessness and sadness. When I feel wrath in my relationships, they are rarely about the present day relationship, but my inner child asking me to attend to her.
To my teacher-friends Resentment, Boredom, Frustration, and Wrath, thank you; and wishing you a very happy V day. I can’t wait for you 4 (and other allies) to teach us what it means to be connected, alive, and in love in the upcoming PRAYERS + DEVOTIONS IN ANIMISM SERIES.
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Founder, spirit communicator and Wu shamanic occultist